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Prereading: Sorry if this blog’s title appears to be rude. I just want to share what I feel but I feel like there is no one to talk to. So, I have tried to write this up and pretend that someone will care to listen like blogospehere. I feel so alone. And I hate to admit it. I did not edit this blog, so I hope after clicking publish, I won’t be regretful.

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It is hard trying to do the things that I loved to do but now hated. It is hard imagining the sunsets that you enjoyed before. It is hard recalling how the cold wind blew while you’re lying on the grass, gazing at the stars at 11 in the evening . How many times have I cried because I am alone? How many times have I doubted my decision? How many times have I typed the word “Mom, I’m tired. I need you.,” but ends up retyping it to “Hey Mom! How is it going there? Everything’s nice and happy here.” How many types have I questioned my incompetence? How many times have I just deny that I’m screwed up and ignored praying because I know that I can handle every single thing? How many times have I just tried to cry but ended up covering up the pain because I know crying is not just for me? I am trying to reach the stars that I’ve been gazing every single night. But, what if, in trying to get the star, my vision blurs, my heart breaks, and my soul rots? Should I give in to the circumstances and keep pushing? Or should I just give up and turn back? The world just requires so much of me. I am tired. I am drained, just so you know.

-Soul in Surreal

 

(Photo from 500px)

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